Nothing much to say

I haven’t had much to say lately, that’s strange. Does that mean that I am coping better or taking 2 steps back? Never really know I suppose. In the past couple of weeks the stress has mounted but so have the coping mechs. I have had more adrenaline rushes than normal, more anger outbursts. Is it just stress or just the flood waters rising. Could it all be related to I haven’t had much to say. Could the would be product actually be the cause?

I started this forum, to help everybody else realize that they weren’t alone and to offer my perspective on dealing with life after combat. At some point it became very important to my coping and dealing. I feel better when I write but it has a dual negative impact when I don’t, I feel like I am letting you down but I also don’t get that benefit of a tabula rossa (blank slate).

The blank slate is a feeling I get when I finish a post. Its a feeling of letting it go, taking that 100lbs weight off my chest and breathing free for a minute. Its a feeling I’d expect anyone with my particular set of experiences (any vet) to feel when they finally find a place to put or lay down their burden. My original place was in my physical exercise, then I split it between this and that, and now its predominantly become the writing. I would encourage everyone reading that has trouble to do something to purge whats going on in their minds. It gives the creator a chance to think about the issues with a sort of side perspective not usually seen, one that is less traumatizing.

I haven’t had much to say lately, but suddenly I do again. Ebb and flow as with anything I suppose.

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3 responses to “Nothing much to say

  • Erik

    You’re doing well battle – keep it up!

  • RJ

    Hey brother just wanted to let you know that recently with the counseling that I have been going through, my counselor wanted me to write about my worst day over there. I have tried to get it on paper probably 3 or 4 times now and I get about half way through it and cant finish. I think it is partly because I have never really talked about those days with anyone. And to put it all on paper and elaborate on every aspect of the day. Like the smells and what I was seeing and how I was reacting it just flooded my mind with emotions that I have never felt before. The other part is my memory, not of the situation but in general. I find it hard to write things because I have to keep going back and rereading what I just wrote and where I was going. That not only makes me have to relive the situation once but sometime 2 or 3 times. I hate those feelings. It makes me feel lost in my own mind, you know? The way I was raised was being a man you don’t show many feeling. The only feelings that you should let others see is anger because your a man and you should be tough. Dealing with all of this makes me feel like I have lost my way in life at times. Maybe somehow have become less of a man because I cant control my feeling. But at other times I know I am more of a man then most men in this country because of the crap that I and other vets have gone through. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for your writing because it is slowly helping me find my way and who I am and who I want to be post army. Thanks man. I feel blessed to have shared the battle field with you.

    • breed3231

      Stick to it, RJ. I appreciate that you are sharing with us, very honored…Plus it is good to know that someone reads the stuff we write. It is good to hear from you.

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