This weekend, as all were out enjoying their holiday, blowing stuff up, eating BBQ, and drinking margaritas in the pool, one good soldier was struggling. As of now, I don’t know why he did it. I don’t know why he decided that this was his best option. I don’t think that it was because of PTSD, I think something must have just overwhelmed him and in the heat of the moment he made a rash decision.
He was a good kid. Smart guy always had a crooked grin on him. The loss of him is felt by many friends. I don’t think Iwill ever understand the thought process.
What leads someone who is taught to survive and succeed at all costs to take their own life. Why wouldn’t someone so well-liked by so many, reach out to someone to pat him on the back or smack his forward assist to get him moving. Its so aggravating and confusing. It infuriates me, why wasn’t someone paying attention, why didn’t he get the freaking help he needed, why…. I hate that word. My friend Gene said to me, “You have to have a god complex to lead men into combat and expect to bring them all home.” Truer words would be hard to find. I am certain that I hold some strange ego in the belief that I could keep everyone alive, given the chance. This causes me to be even angrier because I am not the only team leader with a useful complex. There was someone in his chain of command that could have stopped the cycle before it happened. There was someone in his inner circle that have to have noticed something. Why in the hell didn’t he step up. So again I hate that word why. It will leave me running in circles for a long time to follow.
For you reading this on the other side, we will miss you. As amazon said, “Save us a spot” and a beer we’ll see you in a little bit. For now, cover everybody’s 6 and put in a good word with the big guy for us. Sorry, I didn’t know to call.