I keep myself pretty busy these days. When I got out of the army, I gave myself a month off. That month started out great but you can only run and go to the gym and watch burn notice reruns so many times. I had gone from the incredibly high op tempo of an army at war to couch potato literally over night. By the end of the month I was perpetually a grouch, drinking like nobody’s business, and being an all around swell guy. I got a part time gig working at a hospital moving patients from room to room. It was all fine and dandy other than the system was broke, management sucked, the kids I worked with were unprofessional, I could have run the place with my eyes closed better than what was going on, no chain of command, no follow through, and overall they were freaking slow. Besides that I loved it. I left as soon as school started next month. College, let me tell you about college. College is a game of accelerator and neutral. You spend most of your time coasting in in neutral and then all at once, the world of a college student collapses and for a week straight you are face down in a book with a coffee IV drip running , cursing the sun. Then the tests are over and its back to coasting and looking at the pretty girls. Not exactly an intense challenge. So the fall semester came and went and I crushed it. Spring was even slower with more classes added on to my schedule, I had the hang of it. So I turned to outside activities. Half-marathons, triathlons, 10K’s and 5k’s became a usual part of my life. Nothing like training to get your butt handed to you by a bunch of really fit chicks. This summer, its been about the organizations. I am part of two groups I am the president of one. I am taking summer school, still kicking my own ass in endurance races, and now I have had these extra responsibilities. Oh and did I forget to mention this thing, this crazy concoction, that has grown into a web page and is actually starting to help people. This web site is on my brain 24/7. I am always trying to think of ways to make it better. I think about it when I go to bed, and it starts up when I get up. I read over it with my coffee, check it at school on my phone, first thing I do when I get home and the last thing before the day is done. It keeps me very busy. Sitting here this morning, this post smacked me in theface. Am I running? Am I distracting myself from what is going on in my head? Am I trying to control the situation in which I find myself dealing with everything? Like viewing it in a cage or from behind bullet-proof glass or up on a monitor. Maybe this is the only way I can deal with all of this stuff. Perhaps, all these challenges and tasks I put before myself is to distract me from whats going on in the background until I can sit here and study it from behind a keyboard. Or maybe I just can’t sit still, I like pain, and being over-reached, lol. I love to forever be in motion. In any case, whether its healthy or not, I strongly suggest distracting yourself. Life after combat isn’t going anywhere but when I set to a task or a challenge I don’t see dead charred bodies or f@#$ed up friends. I don’t hear incoming rockets or walk around with my fists clinched. I am focused on the task, goal, or mission at hand, and in those situations; Those scary, difficult, trying, ass-kicking, face-in-the-mud-dragging, embrace-the-suck moments, I find it really easy to smile, because it is a paradise compared to what happens in my mind, when I sit still.
June 15, 2010