Nightmare’s Suck

Nightmare’s Suck.

So this long, horribly written piece of disgusting mental explosion, was throw up onto a computer screen back when I was in Iraq. Its a narrative of one of my nightmares. I HATE zombies, i hate zombie movies, I hate the word zombie. Not because i have a healthy fear of the un-dead but because they have haunted my combat nightmares for years. When I wrote this in Iraq, I was already starting to suffer from Shell-shock and feeling the strain of being on point for several months. I did my best to edit out the curse words which seems to be every other word in this thing (how we tend to talk in the sandbox), but if I missed some, I apologize. Also it is really badly written, the subjects don’t always agree, just remember I wasn’t sleeping a lot and the little story was probably punctuated by incoming rockets. All that said, it still gives a great deal of insight into the mind of someone with PTSD and also lets you guys know you aren’t the only guy with crazy dreams.

It was originally titled who needs a scary movie. Read easy and make sure to leave a light on tonight.

You pull yourself to consciousness. Your 12 man team is already up pulling security (for you civi’s its a circle where a gun is pointed in every direction). You try to get your bearings, the rock of the ground tells you that you are on a ship. You are in full body armor, weapons, m-4 and pistol. The ship you are on looks like a cruise ship thats been rotting for  about 50 years. Its completely deserted… at least so it seems. You get the crew moving to clear out the ship and find out how to get the hell off. You have that overwhelming sense of fear, like when you were a kid coming back in after you put the trash out at night, just feel like you have got to run. Moving in as you past a window, it violently erupts open, glass shards go everywhere and a pair of arms wrap around you and start pulling you in you let out a hellish sound, half growl half yell as you dump a mag into whatever’s grabbing you’s face. You notice how much its yell sounded like yours, as you spin you are not met by the gruesome awesomeness you expect from a mag to the face but instead, something much worse. It looks like whatever you just shot has been dead for a long time, worse yet its still moving, head split open and leaking, its arms still thrashing after you. Its, its a, ahhh shit not this dream again its a god@#$% zombie.
Another round from the shotgun finishes the piece of s#$3 off, but that was just the doorman into hell. The fun is just about to begin. With a renewed sense of purpose everyone picks up the pace hauling a@# towards the front of the ship where the controls are. As your front man clears a corner a lighting fast hand punches through his chest and his heart is held in the freaks hand all the way through your mans back. You go full auto tearing the thing to pieces as you move. Your man drops you know he is dead, you start to pass him, as you run by he does something impossible he grabs your leg hard. Oh s$%^, he turned 10 rounds from a handgun do him in as his head or whats left flows over the side. Keep moving got to keep moving. You keep moving, the ship closes into small compartments…. bad news.
You shift left and hustle through a series of hatches…. thats when you hear it, the chainsaw. F#$% me running are you serious this asshole is in my dream again, when am i going to wake up. The sound burns into your ears much louder than before. S@#$ go go go go! you yell as you more than double your speed. But its no matter, chain saw red steps out of one of the hatches. Quiet simply the nastiest thing you have ever seen packing a chain saw where his am should be, and more than an unfriendly demeanor. He moves quick hacking two of my guys up before a shot could be fired he jams the saw point first into ones chest punching through, he lifts up on the blade and another one of your real life friends splits open and explodes in a mist of blood, it hits your face you feel it, warm and wet the smell is right too. You go mideval on his a@#$, kicking him dead in the face from a sprint. Snagging his blade and pushing it towards his neck as he lays on his back. He yells at you under the struggle as the blade closes in and his neck and face erupt in blood. Woooo, Dan-4 chainsaw man-0. Thats the 4th dream where i have taken out the chain saw man. No time to rest, your dead team mates are up and lookin for a fight. just use the shotty and blow them to pieces. Keep moving, Only one guy left… i know it doesn’t add up but its dream. You get pinned into a small room by the pieces of your dead team mates sneaking up on you. Then her voice comes, laughing. That f@#$ing b@#$% and a half in a little girls body. She is so small and frail you feel sorry for her but she looks like the chick from the ring only this b@#$% is constantly pmsing. F@#$, f@#$ f@#$. You are trapped in a room with this biotch coming to take me out…. thats cool i got an AT-4, for those civis again (thats an anti tank missle launcher) just as i take the thing out that lil b#@$% pops her creepy head up in a window with a freakish speed. You hit the trigger and watch the wall open up as it hits her dead in the head. A big ass wall locker hits her…. she’s dead you think to yourself. Then the door opens and she steps out, slowly. Bones broken in so many places begin to pop back into place…. i wanna puke in my dream. She stands still for a moment then with a flash pops her head up and you see the dead skin sucked tightly down to a skull with no eyes is what makes up her face then she turns and walks away….. meaning only one thing that dead lil bitch is going to get big brother which means its time to haul ass. I yell to my team mate that resembles my best friend in real life to follow me we got to move. As we head out he stops as if frozen. His eyes go blood shot, and then his skin starts to die, fuck me not him too. I turn and draw my gun…… i am out of ammo. Trapped in close proximity to a zombie that really wants to eat you, as his living organs are eaten alive and the blood begins to pour out of his eyes and mouth and nose…. not a fun place to be. Then he grabs you with that lightnig quick freak speed and its game on. One hand on his head keeping him from biting you the other punching away at his neck trying to break it. You break both his arms then his neck gives but he keeps coming… you wrestle free kicking his leg in as you make for the door…. his head falls just outside the door his body inside it his neck on the hatch.. only one choice now. Sorry bud… slam, the door locks shut with a satisfying lunk. I start moving as fast as i can, seeing some strange little things that look like kids, i got to get out of here. Thats when i hear the old familiar clink of my main foes weapon of choice. I will just call him dread. He is huge, he is a zombie, he carries a battle axe, and usually one of my friends is in toe dead behind him, or it might be one of the guys i have shot, it varies from time to time. I know where it will end, i hate where it will end, i try everytime for it not to end there but its coming. I pick up speed clearing out into the main portion of the front end of the bow. I hear the creepy little zombie kid laugh as they start to follow… clink, shit he’s close. I move to the very end of the boat. On my way i see something move fast head high just ou of my peripheral vision i duck as that bitches claws pass over my head. I kick hard right pushing off left and grabbiing a bit of railing time for my last run. I haul ass through every part of the ship, she is always there out running me. I make it back outside hauling ass, and i hear that creepy lil girl laugh and say, “you’ll never escape him” the time it took for it to register was all she needed she jammed her claws into my right thigh i punch her har din the face her head spins akwardly around facing away. It returns to the normal position with a series of resisting cracks and pops that would make a medical examiner queezy. I yank away and hobble back towards the front. Tired from fighting bleeding and the dreams ordeals, i put my back against the rail and wait for his b@#$% a$%, alone, hurt, unarmed, and scared shitless…. yeah this guy scares the shitaki mushroom out of me. i hear the clink i look left, then center then right, wait back center and there he was. F@#$ me…. i hate this part. He slowly moves towards me, painfully slow. The body that he drags makes the squeegie on a wet window sound, in tow. He closes in, raises his battle axe and lets out the most devilish howl you can imagine as his axe closes in within inches of my neck- I rip to life from my violent sleep. Awake and freaked i levitate from my bed to the wall in one motion slapping the light switch… somewhere in that process i got my gun in my hand and loaded it…. or did i load it in my sleep… who cares i need a cigarette and a shot a jack….. welcome to my reoccuring dream, think you could handle it, i doubt. Because your imagination can only create what you ahve seen on tv and in movies, you don’t know what blood smells like and never seen your buddies die….. i hate it. Just now one of my sgt’s walked in with a prayer call alarm clock…. my friends have died to it, it gives me the hibbie jibbes its shit like that….. good luck and sleep well, keep up 360 and when you here the clink haul ass get out, don’t let her wound you, then you are done………
So what does all that junk mean? Zombies, are an unstoppable enemy, they represent an obstacle you can’t get over. The fact that the fire team in the dream are all dead friends, only further backs up this idea. The little girl I think is my conscience gone wrong. The big guy with the battle axe, my guilt over failing my guys, thus the reason he drags one or two in toe. That dream has taken place everywhere, in the barracks in Germany, iraq, afghanistan, my old high school, the University of Houston. The theme is always the same, the lil crazy chick with big brother, dudes dying and me dying crippled and alone. Yeehaw, I hope your nightmares aren’t as bad as mine. Share’em if you got’em maybe we can try to figure out what they mean so we can make them go away.

One response to “Nightmare’s Suck

  • Debby

    I actually read and then re-read this again..I have to say I cannot imagine having this dream over and over again..I tried to actually picture everything you wrote and although I think thats kind of impossible if its not your dream,it freaked ME out..
    Can I ask if you are the one that figured out what things in this dream mean or did you have someone helping you to do this?Also,is this a very frequent dream and are there others?I dont mean to get too personal but if I am ever to help my son then I have to ask questions of the people I think can help me the most and that would be others that suffer from PTSD.I have to wonder as Im sure you do,will this dream ever stop??
    I wish you all the best and I thank you for sharing a very personal part of your life in the hopes of helping others.
    God bless

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: