“Do you have a problem talking about it,” one of the kids I go to school with asked me. I said no, most of the time no I don’t. What is different about me that lets me talk. Am I more maladjusted than others and just don’t realize that I shouldn’t talk about it? What’s the deal? Is there anybody else out there that is like me?
I have a theory of how I got to be this way. My mom died when I was 15. She was mentally ill for a lot of years but was still an awesome mom. When she died,I bottled all the pain and tried to keep moving. Left only with the thoughts and memories and feelings of guilt for leaving that day for school without a hug. One day I snapped and all that pain came out and I realized that how I had been going about this trauma didn’t work. So when the life after combat struggle started, I applied what I had learned about myself those years before. So I think it somehow turned me into a singularity, someone who can joke and laugh at how many times I was almost erased from the planet. Someone who can talk about the heroes he served with. My experience as kid equipped me with the greatest tool I have for fighting this pain, the ability to talk about it.
I hope now that my ability to talk, might help somebody out here reading this. Either by realizing they aren’t alone or finding a voice all their own. My goal with this site was to a have a collective voice. I wanted it to be like a crowded kegger with everybody talking about what they have been through and things they saw and how they are coping. Its more like a guy sitting on his back porch with a six pack for now, but I believe it will do some good. Just want some more back up. I have a fire team building but I want a battalion. I have Reed, Mike, and Allison, contributing their thoughts and struggle, How about you? Can you talk like I can? Wanna learn how, this is as good a place as any. Let me know, think you can add something to this place, come on. I do my best to have no ego when it comes to the roger, you won’t hurt my feelings or step on toes. I know I am not a singularity, don’t prove me wrong.